Levi & Ben

Our second set of twins arrived much differently than our first set! At 33 weeks my doctor transferred me to a high risk practice after he was concerned that one of the babies wasn't growing properly. This new group of doctors validated his concern, and so began the roller-coaster of intensive ultrasounds and doctor appointments. The doctors believed there to be some sort of twin-twin transfusion syndrome or at least intrauterine growth discordance. The presenting baby was unusually large for his gestational age while his twin brother was unusually small for his gestational age. The big baby had too much fluid, while the little one barely had enough. The fear was that if this would continue, either baby could die before birth- the bigger baby from toxicity and the little one from not getting enough nutrients and blood flow. In the midst of those stressful few days, the Lord flooded us with His presence. 

Although I was extremely uncomfortable due to the excess fluid I was carrying, I was comforted by the fact that the babies continued to be very active inside of me. We had our bags packed and ready with each hospital visit, not knowing if I would be admitted. 

We had some hard decisions to make in regards to the birthing method, but after much discussion and prayer, we felt that a c-section would be the best for both babies. The day before my scheduled delivery, I went in for my pre-op blood work. When I got there late morning, my blood pressure had sky-rocketed and I was showing signs of pre-eclampsia. It was decided that our babies would be delivered that day. I was 34 weeks and 5 days. I walked into the OR a few minutes after 6:00 pm. At 6:39, Levi was born weighing 5 pounds, 12 ounces. At 6:40, little Benjamin was born, weighing 3 pounds, 2 ounces. Levi was whisked into an adjoining room with separate attendees, while a group of nurses and doctors attended to Benjamin just a few feet away. They were both quickly taken to the NICU, and besides a quick glance at each bundled up baby, that was the last I saw of them for the next 28 hours. 

I didn't do so well with the spinal anesthesia. A few minutes after they administered it, I got the migraine of a lifetime and felt extremely nauseous during the surgery, vomiting almost the entire time. Not how I had imagined the whole thing to go! I developed severe pre-eclampsia during the surgery, and the next 24 hours I was monitored for seizures and put on Mag- Sulfate.I will spare you the details, but it was the sickest I had ever been.

Even though Levi was a good size at birth, he was unable to breathe on his own. He was on CPAP for over a week, along with a feeding tube.He was under a giraffe warmer to maintain his body temp.

Baby Ben was always able to breathe room air, even though he was so small! He also had an IV, monitors and a feeding tube. Because of his birth weight, he was confined to an isolette to maintain his body temp.

Here I am meeting Benjamin for the first time. All the tubes and wires were a little overwhelming. And bonding with these babies was so different than with my others. I never had to change their meconium, nor did I see their cords fall off. I wasn't the one giving them their first baths. I missed those first few days of cuddling skin to skin. Everyday I received a report from a stranger that knew more about my sons than I did! The turning point for me was when Levi first latched on- it flooded me with a love for my sweet boys. Everything was going to be okay. God is good, even when things go differently than we had anticipated.

Ben

 Ben

Levi

We had to maneuver lots of wires and tubes to get the babies in a picture together. This was the first picture of them together...

Baby Ben

Levi means "joined together in harmony." Although there was a lot of 'disharmony' in-utero, our prayer is that these brothers will share a harmony as they grow old together, most importantly, a bond in Christ. Benjamin means "son of my right hand." Our prayer is that Benjamin will be a faithful son even into our old age. Levi's middle name is Leendert, a Dutch variation of Leonard. Leendert was the name of Abe's paternal grandfather who had 11 children, and Levi is our # 11.Benjamin's middle name is Jacob. Jacob was my maternal grandfather's name. He was the father of 12 children, and Ben is our #12. We both come from large Christian Dutch families- what a rich heritage to pass on!

Baby Levi

Both babies were fed through a NG tube. I am grateful that they were able to receive donated breast milk until my milk came in. Kudos to ladies who donate milk to help these sweet babies get the best start in life- what a blessing!! It took over a week for my milk to come in with round-the-clock pumping. Then they were given my milk through the NG tube while I tried to nurse them as well. Levi took right to breastfeeding, but it took Ben a bit longer to latch on. I was able to nurse them for 3 feedings in the hospital during the day and they were given bottles for the remaining feedings. I didn't know it at the time, but they also were adding formula to my breast-milk to give them more calories. The upside- they were gaining each day and meeting the milestones necessary to come home.

After I was discharged, I developed excruciating pain in my lower back and legs, to the point that I could barely walk. I believe it was from the spinal I received as it was just below the region where the needle was inserted. It was hard to sit long days in the same position in the NICU and I became exhausted. The sweet nurses in the NICU warmed up rice socks and made me ice-packs to help relieve some of the pain, but they finally encouraged me to stay home and rest for a few days. It was hard to leave my babies for a few days (and I shed plenty of tears during that time), but I knew I needed to heal. I am SO thankful for my amazing husband who daily went to care for our babies. He tirelessly held them, fed them their bottles, changed them and loved on them. He also prayed daily over each baby while he held each one. On one occasion he had Luke with him. Luke was holding little Benjamin and when he heard his dad pray over Levi, he started praying in a loud clear voice over his little brother as well. So sweet! And I know God heard that earnest prayer of a 10 year old boy for his little brother.

We had some kids with colds back home, but our older twins were well, so Abe took them along for a few days to help hold the babies. They were amazing- spending entire days in one position holding their brothers quietly. Never complaining. That's not easy for boys who normally have LOTS of energy. They were totally smitten with their little brothers. We called it the twin-to-twin infusion.

After 13 days, the babies were well enough to come home. They had maintained their body temp and hadn't had any decelerations in over 48 hours. Ben was 1 ounce away from being 4 pounds, the weight he needed to be to legally ride in a car seat! Levi was back to his birth weight. And we were so excited for them to officially meet their siblings. Life was about to get a whole lot noisier for these little guys!

When Life Doesn't Make Sense

Our home group has been studying the book of Genesis. We recently studied chapter 22, where Abraham is called by God to travel to Mt. Moriah to offer up his beloved son. Abraham had waited many many years for this promised child. Now God was asking him to do the unthinkable. I cannot imagine that Abraham didn't have some questions for God. Why God? Will You pull through if I obey? I am obeying in faith- but none of this really makes any sense! After all, Abraham was human. And unlike us, he didn't know the end of the story...

Our family is standing at a new crossroad as well. My husband (and the amazing father of our large brood) is being called to work away from home 28 days at a time. Like Abraham, I am full of questions. Why God? Will You pull through if we obey? We are stepping out in faith- but none of this makes any sense at all!  

Over the past few weeks the tears have fallen freely. My heart aches as I think of being separated from my best friend. I don't look forward to having to do life "alone." No-one can get our 2 year old to fall asleep as quickly as her daddy. No-one is as good at grilling burgers or unclogging toilets (which happens a lot with 8 girls in the house!). I feel sad at the missed times of worship together, as well as the missed anniversaries and birthdays that are sure to come. With another baby on the way, life can feel very overwhelming. As I spent many many hours reflecting on the why's of our life, the Lord flooded my heart with Scripture, quietly and gently reminding me of His promises. Promises I can cling to and believe, even when life doesn't make sense...


Isaiah 55: 8-9 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

These verses remind me that God knows the big picture. Right now I can't see the forest through the trees, but I can rest assured that God is on His throne, and He knows full well what He is doing! This season in life could be a stepping stone to something much bigger. I can trust Him completely.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

No matter what lies ahead, God's grace is sufficient- it is enough. It's so easy for my frail, human mind to think that I know better. God promises to be strong when I am weak.

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

My strength will be renewed by waiting on the Lord- and this is to be a continual, habitual, daily occurrence. He will help me to continue on and keep me from weariness and fainting.

Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

God wants me to remember that He is always with me- I have nothing to fear! He is my God and I am, along with each of my children and my husband, in the palm of His hand. He promises to hold us up. Isn't that amazing?

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God."

It's often hard to be still and wait for God's leading. God cannot lead if I am always hurried and rushing here and there, always responding to the pressures around me. He desires for me to be wanting Him, waiting for Him and willing and available for Him.

Psalm 31: 14 & 15 " But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, 'You are my God,' 
'My times are in Your hand...' "

I have to daily purpose in my heart to trust in My God- not in my feelings, circumstances or emotions which are always changing and often fickle. All of my life's why's and when's and where's are in God's hands- I will choose to trust in His goodness.

Psalm 9:2 "I will be glad and rejoice in You, I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."

I think this verse (and many other verses in God's Word) speak about my attitude, especially in setting the atmosphere of my home. I must choose to be joyful, to rejoice and sing God's praises. This trusting, joyful attitude is what my children need to see in my home. Here is where I often fail miserably- but with God's help, it is an area I desire to grow in. There is no room for self-pity!

I Thessalonians 5:18 "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Anne Voskamp's book has taught so many of us to count God's blessings in our lives. It is so easy to look at all of the bad things in life which bring grumbling, complaining and discontentment. When we obey God's Word and begin to be truly thankful in everything, our whole perspective on life changes. I can grumble that my husband is always gone and that I have to do all of the work by myself- OR I can be thankful that I still have a husband, that he is willing to work hard to provide for us and that he will home for 2 weeks at the end of each rotation- and that's 20 weeks off every year! I am also thankful for modern technology that allows us to communicate rather quickly, even with so many miles between us.

Already my husband has made an impact with his co-workers. Before each meal, he takes off his hard hat, bows his head and thanks his Heavenly Father for his meal. He observed that he now sees at least half a dozen other men bowing their heads and praying as well before the meal. He is also known for always being positive, joyful and ready to work (even if it's doing something other than his job description). The other day a man came up to him and asked him what made him so happy all the time. He said "Whatever you are eating, drinking or smoking in your room- I want some of that!" My husband went on to explain that it is because he is a Christian and has Jesus living in his heart. He went on to give this man the gospel and invited him to also give his life to Jesus. This man, although intrigued, said he believed he was telling the truth, but wasn't sure he was ready for that kind of commitment. Maybe these are the very reasons my husband is working away- to be a witness of His Savior to those who maybe have never been confronted with the gospel or met a real Christian. I am so thankful that he is living out the Great Commission right where he is...

I don't know what tomorrow may bring. I also don't know what you may be facing right now. But it is likely that you also have a situation that may just not make any sense. It may be a wayward child that should know better, the loss of a parent or husband which happened rather suddenly. It may be an accident that left permanent damage or a recent prognosis from your doctor. It may be the pain of not having children. I know of several friends currently dealing with the sadness of a loved one taking their own life. Whatever your circumstance, you can trust God's promises! They are available for you to claim and cling to when life doesn't make any sense...

I have always loved Corrie ten Boom's poem "Life is but a Weaving..."

My life is but a weaving

Between my God and me.

I cannot choose the colors

He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;

And I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper

And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas

And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the weaver’s skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned

He knows, He loves, He cares;

Nothing this truth can dim.

He gives the very best to those

Who leave the choice to Him.

Boasting in the Names of God

by Elise, age 11

Over the years I have at various times studied the names of God. This has allowed me to understand God in a deeper way. I am currently studying the names of God again using Kay Arthur’s book entitled “Lord, I Want to Know You.” As I travel this road of motherhood with 10 children ranging in ages 1 all the way up to 19, the Lord continues to speak to my mother’s heart how I can claim His names even in this journey of motherhood filled with so many everyday challenges. I am also striving to teach my children these names, so they, too, can claim the power that is found in His name. The devil wants nothing more than to snatch these  truths away from us. The names of God bring life, hope and healing. They are names we can boast in with full confidence!

One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 18:10 which states “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” We can turn to our Protector when all of our own energy is used up, when we are overcome by our many weaknesses and can no longer run in our own strength. That sounds like us as mothers many times, doesn't it? We can be tempted to turn to our friends, to engulf ourselves in social media or simply plop down on the sofa to watch another movie to get away from it all- when what we really need to do is run to God and fellowship with him in Bible reading and prayer. Many of us today really don’t know God.

Paul’s prayer in Philippians 3 is “that I may know Him.” In Jesus’ high priestly prayer He prays that we “may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” Our goal in life should be to know God! In Bible times a name represented a person’s character. Likewise, the names of God represent His character- who He is. By studying the names of God, we can learn to boast (trust, have confidence in) in the name of the Lord. (Psalm 20:7)

Spurgeon said, "The highest science, the loftiest speculation, the mightiest philosophy which can ever engage the attention of a child of God, is the name, the nature, the person, the work, the doings and the existence of the great God whom we call Father." We should desire to know our God! 

I hope to share in the following posts the different names of God and how boasting in His names can help us as we strive to be godly mothers to our children. I will also share a Bible verse for each name that I encourage you to write down on an index card and try to memorize, as I am trying to do (a weak area in my life is memorizing and I am really trying to work on this!).

Verse to memorize:

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe.”

Proverbs 18:10

IDEA for kids: have your children illustrate this verse and memorize it. An easy way to memorize is through song. The Harrow Family sings this song on their CD "The Heaven's Declare." (Available from Amazon).

by Luke, age 9

by Ashlyn, age 7

 by Edmond, age 9

by Eva, age 5